Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Wut? No answers again? Who saw that coming?

Saw rhuematologist. No answers. No new meds. No treatment for mouth. He wouldn't even TRY to treat me for pmr or rhuematoid arthritis. Even though treatment is same. 

Blood test were normal but they can be for years after onset. Oh and he told me about 30 times to lose weight. Like I didn't know or didn't hear him the 30 times he told me LAST VISIT. The whole I CANT EFFING WALK THING isn't helping either. He actually told me "I can not do anything for you until you lose weight!"
If I need to use the bathroom, I need help. If Jason isn't home I use crutches or lay on the wall and try not to fall.
Going downstairs? LOL ok.

Jason is pretty much packing Jonas and I a picnic every day so I can feed Jonas from the bed while he's at work.

I'm pissed, depressed and in pain. A semi almost hit me earlier and for a second I wished it had. I don't want to feel like this. I want to be just a little normal again. I want people to stop telling me it will be ok or asking if I need help. I want to be left the hell alone until I'm not angry anymore.

I know that's not fair and people want to help but offering to do everything for me... Doesn't help. It just makes me feel helpless. I know I need help, so why can't I just accept it and be glad instead of pissed off?

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